Why do Nigerians do this? Kíló dé? What is the impetus for the brides parents to spend thousands of Naira making personalized clock radios, and the groom’s parents printing stickers to put on plastic fans all to give hundreds of guests at the wedding? Some people say Nigerians just love spending money. One of the names for celebrations like weddings, funerals, naming ceremonies is “ìnàwó” which literally means “money spending” in Yoruba. Others say everyone does it because everyone else does it, nítorí náà ó tí di baraku fun gbogbo omo Naijiriya lati na owó katikati fun àwon ebùn yìí. Maybe it’s because Nigerians go to so many parties in their life times that they need something useful, something they can use everyday for fetching water or writing notes to remind them of that wonderful “ìnàwó” they attended years back. If you are lucky enough to be be among the guests at a party where the celebrants are very wealthy, to lowó bajebaje, you might even get a Blackberry complete with the a picture of the newly wed’s faces on the back.
Take this bucket as a thank you for attending my party
April 12, 2011 by Cara Titilayo Harshman
wedding here, I found it odd to be walking away from the chapel hall with a ceramic bowl, especially since the bowl had a sticker with the bride and grooms faces, date of marriage and a mention of who paid for the gift. After more and more parties, I am used to receiving a cup, a food cooler and a notebook all covered in stickers commemorating the celebrants and inside a personalized cloth bag.
In the U.S. you go to your friends house for a dinner party, you bring a bouquet of flowers or a bottle of wine to show your appreciation. In Nigeria it is the opposite- the guests are the honorees. After a dinner party here, guests are the ones who walk away with bottles of wine. But a “dinner party” is not a realistic example for Nigeria because it is rare families have their friends over for a intimate three course meal. Fill a large room with plastic tables and chairs, hang some colorful decorations from the ceiling, hire a company to hand out glass bottles of Coke and Fanta and dole out heaping plates of jollof rice and amala and bam, you have yourself a true Nigerian party. At a true Nigerian party you will also always see the guests leaving with some type of personalized, pragmatic gift for domestic chores or living. What use is a t-shirt printed with the newlyweds’ picture when you could have a bucket with their picture printed on it to do all sorts of things? When I attended my first
hilarious!!! but I came on here cus I was looking for a place to buy favours to distribute at a party, so if someone knows a website where I can purchase one, please let me know: marie_ngoulou@yahoo.com
Trust me, there are lots of Nigerian Parties in Chicago
expensive souvenir were given to guest also. This happens almost every week especiall in MD/NJ/NY area, Dallas/Houston area and Chicago area too
Let me start by thanking you for your insight into what you consider Nigerian, or dare I say Yoruba culture.Giving gifts at parties as sovenirs is our culture, so is pasting money on the forehead of a dancer in appreciation of the person or his dance steps at a party.Many of us enjoy it and and revel in the warmth and good tidings it brings especially when we know that everything that is cultural is rooted in meaning.
It might be strange to you, even unnnecessary or considered a waste it still remains our culture which as a consequence of your insight could result in a debate that can either enhance it or tweek it out of existence.
Yorubas as with many other Africans reserve their best graces for their guests and I also know that Chinese and the Japanese do too.The meaning of this is that to have someone in your home to eat your food and drink your wine is a honour and giving a sovenir to mark such occassion is perfectly in order.
I am sure by now you would have noticed the unashamed outward display of love, affection and friendlliness that emanate from these people towards you and trust me when I say this I have not met a non Nigerian yet who would complain about it getting too much . More often they always want to go back for more. and I can only hope this will be true in your own case.
Now that you have left Nigeria and on your way back to Wisconsin, I hope you will continue to do your blogs about Yoruba language and the people who speak it.
Remeber Titilayo was the name given to you to show you that we love you and claim you as our own. Omoluabi is a name you have earned by your character and Omowale is the name I will reserve for you in the knowledge that you will one day want to come back.
If you are a Nigerian Bill Gates, and you made
money through hard work, there is nothing wrong in spending it lavishly at parties. In a way, that could be seen as a form of re-distribution.
However, reading some of the comments about the lavishness
of Nigerian parties makes me uneasy. Personally I don’t envy people who spend public money as their own. A lot of the money we see that are spent as described by Omotola above, are monies that are meant to provide hospitals, schools, better roads and generally better living conditions for ordinary Nigerians. When politicians run in elections so that they can use public money for their private use, at the expense of their fellow country men, and women, that should not be applauded, but should be condemned, or at best be ignored, and not publicised as it is done in some of the magazines described above. I hope I am making sense.
Cara might have attended parties thrown by ordinary, honest and hard-working Nigerians. I think that is good. Lavish and over the top parties thrown with “blood money” does not impress me.
Lol what a funny post!
Oh ! I understand now why my husband once he was coming back from Nigeria gave me a smal plastic jug with the picture of a dead aunt sticked on it, saying it’s his mum who gave it for me, in remembrance of the funeral party. My husband never explain nigerian culture to me, as it is obvious for him he doens’t think that I could be interrested to know. And as sometimes he complains that we “onyibo” we ask too many questions, I dind’t ask, and I just said “well, you will thank your mother for me”
Since then the little pot is in a cupboard, but I think I’ll see it with a new look now. I might even picture it and make a post on my blog inspired by your explanation (if you don’t mind) for my Belgian’s readers and friends who know nothing about Nigeria (in Belgium, most people know about Congo, Burundi and Rwanda or Mali and Senegal, in short all French speaking countries).
Take care 🙂
Reminds me of all the t-shirts/sweatpants I once had stocked in my drawers at home from “So and So’s” Bar Mitzvah.
Hello Titi,
How are you doing and hope all is well with you. I just finished reading your post about the gifts and all..The practice is very rooted in the culture. There are some things that are good and some that are not..common in every culture. It is part of hospitality to leave a lasting memory with those who come to celebrate with you. There are also different people that make these gifts. If I appreciate you friendship and this day is you day of celebration…I can decided to show my appreciation for you by contributing in my own little way. It may be an exercise book or bucket or even an handkerchief or better I may give you money in an envelope. Things are not done in isolation here…its generally a family event, friends, church members, community etc, will also rally around to support.
Hi Titi,
nigerians especially yoruba are fond of “owambeing” meaning partying. In an average niaja wedding, gifts are exchanged, it usually flow in both direction between the guests and the celebrants. the best part is that no matter how rich or poor the celebrants or guests are, they still have atleast a token to give in show of solidarity.
Hi Titi,
You’re so wonderful, to begin with. I’ve watched your videos, and I’ve been following your blog, and I’m dumbfounded every single time! I’ve been holding back from commenting, and expressing my admiration for you and what you’re doing, ’cause I assumed you might not get to read it, but i finally decided; what the heck! I’mma try to combine everything into this one comment , hence the very lenghty post.
We Nigerians, no matter where we are, we are always proud to represent “naija”, and to express our cultures and way of life. But I’ve not seen or known anyone to express them as accurately, brilliantly, motivationally, (I could go on,) and without bias, as you have. Your blog posts are very informational, insightful and interesting, and I’m pretty sure this feeling is unanimous to other Nigerians that read your blogs and watch your videos, ’cause I also read some of thier comments. I’m studying in New Jersey, and I even get to cite some of your articles in my Sociology course papers. I love this blog so much, everytime I want to write a paper about naija, I’m like “eff Google, titi knows best”…
I’m not Yoruba, but I lived in Lagos almost all my life before I came to nj. Even after being forced to go to Yoruba classes, I only picked up a little Yoruba, so I respect the fact that you were interested enough to learn it so fast. You’re an inspiration to many students still in high school in Nigeria, and shying away from learning Yoruba, just like i was. I think your videos should be played to everyone of them.
I could go on forever about how wonderful you are, and how I appreciate you and your Wisconsin mates over there, for doing what you do, but I’ll stop here. Just know that you’re very much admired and respected, and you shouldn’t get discouraged by any negative comment, just keep doing what you do, ’cause it’s great !
P.S : You’re so beautiful.
David.
David, oju mi n la fun comment yii. I am smiling ear to ear right now basking in your wonderful complimentary words. I don’t think I’ve read any comment that made me smile more than “eff Google, titi knows best.” Thank you so much for sharing. Your words are a huge inspiration and ego booster for me. Sincerely, thank you David
You’re welcome very much too, Titi. Thank you also for taking the time to read it, and reply. I’m glad to return the favor, by making you smile, ’cause that’s what you make me do with your every post. Keep your blogs and videos coming, you gon’ make a great journalist someday (oops! ma bad, you already are!)
plastic souvenirs? girl you are going to the wrong weddings! anyway another point to note in nigerian weddings is that guests try to out do each other with the gift giving. at my brother’s wedding, they had all sorts of gifts from mini ovens to cash.
You are right. That is how Nigerians do their party. I think it is different. Not sure if it is unique to Nigerians or it is an African thing. The only down-side to it is that people who cannot afford to have a party like that go and borrow money they cannot afford because of the high standard set by others ? Otherwise if you have got it, why not spend it. lol
Hahahhahahah, Titilayo, you so funny. You already make me look like oni inawo bashau!!! I’m havin a rethink for souvenirs for my wedding in Nov.
It’s not uncommon to hear that parties are rated based on what the guests walk away with. Nigerians are known internationally for throwing lavish parties.
I once read in a magazine about guy who flew his guests to France for his wedding, then England for the reception, hired the American RnB Singer Joe to serenade his wife and most importantly, His most honored guests walked away with brand new cars.
It’s ingrained in the culture to enjoy as much of life as you can, because frankly, the average African’s lifespan is really short. People make a lucrative lifestyle for themselves in the party business. If you think about it, most Nigerian pop songs are made for dancing. Most fashion designers (and local tailors for that matter) are hired to create new looks particularly for special occasions. Many manufacturers of….well anything will get some of their biggest contracts from take-aways for a party
If you want to see just how big a deal this is, pick an issue of Ovation sometime. Most of its pages filled with photos of people at high society parties
I love this observation. In fact I enjoy the regular blogs and postings. A sort of diary and record. It also gives an outsider an honest,untainted glimpse into the Nigerian culture.
Refreshing.
Actually gift giving to your guests is a way to say thank you for taking time out of your schedule to honor us with your presence at our “inawo.” In the US, the hosts only go around each table saying thank you for coming if there are really kind to do so especially at weddings or better yet, the groom stands up at special table to say thank you all for coming and that is it. In Nigeria our culture is such that we say thank you with gifts and then offer prayers that everyone gets to their respective homes safely. It is a bad omen if someone goes to your event and then on their way back home something bad happens e.g. a car accident, armed robbery attack…etc. People will always pass a comment if such a thing happened saying….had I known I would have stayed in my house…blah blah blah. So that is another aspect of our culture, praying after giving out gifts, just as a FYI. However, the part I hate most is when they distribute gifts and it has from this person or this family on the label! I just think it is for show off if you ask me. I mean just give the damn gift and call it a day. Who cares about who is giving the gift, right? Interestingly people only remember who actually was celebrating in the event, nobody remembers who paid to make the gift!
Spot on.
I have been a faithful follower of your blog and almost all your social media network means. It’s very interesting to read from you and to know about how an “Oyinbo” feels in my country in contrast to what I face in an Oyinbo country. I can’t help but post a comment after reading this article which is very hilarious “to lowó bajebaje”. I just want to say keep it up and enjoy the best life has to offer you in my beautiful country.
Cheers!!!
Ps. My warm regards to my namesake and the rest of the Oyinbos. 🙂
Wow! Love hearing about all of these cultural differences. Keep them coming. When do you head back to the States?
Loves,
Michele