A big event happened when I was in Nigeria– I became an aunt.
When I finally met the lil’ guy last week I was initially overcome with mixed feelings of love and disgust; that, after much thought, have transitioned into pure love. It was pretty much love at first sight when I saw my nephew. He is so well tempered and too cute for his own good, but he came with so much equipment! A play pen, fancy carrying devices, bags full of baby supplies, the list goes on. All of that stuff upset me and made me think about the difference between a baby’s life in Nigeria and America.
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Walking into the parents’ house was like entering a friendly plastic jungle. Arranged on the floor of their Chicago condo was an array of bouncing contraptions, swinging devices, soft rugs below small canopies adorned with miniature, brightly colored toucans, snakes and butterflies. Everything is suckable, child-proof and might break into song if you touch it the right way.
When I first got back, noticing the amount of unnecessary baby accessories in the United States made me uncomfortable.
I compared the fancy strollers in America to the colorful cloths most African women use to carry their little ones on their backs and thought, why do we need all this stuff?
Babies in Nigeria and America play with many of the same little plastic toys, blocks, dolls, Barbies (a lot of Nigerian parents bring toys back from the UK). It’s not like Nigerian babies are living a deprived life with nothing but clay and sticks to play with. Babies, a documentary that follows the everyday life of four infants in four different countries,is a testament to the fact that babies will find anything to entertain themselves whether its a $100 contraption with sounds and twirly things or a spool of thread. In Nigeria,
I noticed babies have toy cars, rubber animals to suck on while they teethe, diapers and bottles, they just use fewer of them. So when I re-entered the U.S., it was a shock to me to see how many seemingly unnecessary items American parents surround their children with.I pondered in the materialistic-ness of America’s babies for a while, then my good friend helped me realize something. The fact that some families spend lots of money on mother care and smother thier children with toys and things that will hopefully keep them from crying and stimulate their brain, doesn’t mean they are better or happier than the mother who ties the baby to her back and feeds the baby breast milk instead of organic creamed carrots. More stuff doesn’t make someone happier than another person, or one baby better than another. Both babies will probably not remember the toys they played with when they were 7 months old anyway…
I love the prespective you take in writing this. I am expecting in a few months, although I currently live in Europe. I sometimes think about the simplicity of babies and constrast it to our (adults) materialism which we heap on these little ones.
Start giving him small Iyan and Egusi – it will help his pronounciations when you start teaching him Yoruba:)
Most if not all babies in Nigeria enjoy being carried on the back, its a fast way to get them to sleep and to get them to keep quiet when crying! Plus the mum gets to use her hands to do other stuff, African way of multitasking!
Without meeting you, i can tell you have a wonderful spirit and are a great person to meet! You just got yourself a new blog follower! Thanks to my german friend for hooking me up wtih your youtube videos (just like you he’s a big naija fan)! :).. hope to meet you someday! xx
Chinny, Thanks so much for such a compliment! I love Germany, was just there in fact. Thanks for following 🙂
Hi, My brother and sister in law met you at the recent Nigerian physician’s meeting in Chicago and we then googled and found some of your You Tube videos and this blog.
I am an American oyinbo (sp?) wife who carries my babies on my back. In addition to many other things I appreciate about my husband’s culture I have to say that using my wrapper to put the baby up on my back is one of the best. Its an easy way to carry them, they are comfortable and close. Much better than the sling and other structured carriers and a lot cheaper too 🙂 – its one of my skirts after all.
We will keep reading. I find it fascinating that you have learned Yoruba. I know bits and pieces and enough pidgin to get the gist of the conversation but I wish I knew more and could speak a bit.
You see that air your nephew has about him?…Boss! lol 🙂 Wish y’all the best. Cheers
He is such a Lil’ Dawg. Thanks!
great post. sometimes i walk around and look at the fancy things american moms use to carry their babies in. e.g baby bjorn. and i’m like…um. this is just a glorified ‘wrapper’. and why carry the baby in front instead of on your back? that’s like duplicating the pregnancy bump! never understood that.
I saw a dad wearing one of those front sling baby carriers today in Chicago. They look awkward! you’re right!
Hey, would you like to participate in my language challenge? Your Yoruba is pretty good so it would be awesome if you did.
Here are the rules:
http://www.sugabellyrocks.com/2011/07/sugabellys-language-challenge.html
let me know if you’re in.
Cara darling, disturbing emotions about the what is available materially in the Western world compared to Nigeria and other less developed parts of the world is natural. It is good that you are able to feel that way. Any normal person would feel the same. However, the last paragraph of your post made a lot of sense. It is not what we have materially that makes us happy. Millions have all these stuff and are not happy. Yet millions of people have very little and are happy. There is no doubt that having money or the capability to get material stuff, makes life more comfortable.
You are not alone in having these feelings. Every time I am back in Ibadan driving my 10year old air-conditioned Jeep (banger) , I feel the same as you did when you got home. When I looked at children who should be in school selling all sorts in the burning sun, I feel bad. I always remind myself that am no better than these people. I was just lucky. Always good to share what you have got with the less fortunate . I think that is the best thing one can do if you have not got the power to change things. So please don’t beat yourself too much about it. It is just life.
Thanks so much for the comment, Phil. I have come to understand that, as you rightly said, I should not beat myself up about it or dwell on the fact that we are so materially endowed in the US. I should not feel bad about it, but I should turn that energy into a positive thing and share my wealth with others.
Titi I love the candid way you express your views
🙂
The joy of motherhood is the same whether poor or rich
Free 3D movies online – http://www.3dmymovies.com
1) not sure what kind of chemical load we plastic people carry
2) clearly kids in RURAL Nigeria dont have plastic toys
magnificent that u have continued ‘north of lagos’.
after all, u r still north(west)!
pls let us subscribers know of any future blogs or ways to follow yr work should u discontinue.
Sorry Charles, I came from rural Nigeria and some kids do have some plastic toys in rural Nigeria.
I will definitely keep you all informed. Thanks!
Hi Titi,
Interesting observations about babies. Your nephew is cute. So, how are you keeping up with Yoruba speaking skills now that you are back in Milwaukee ? Do you know Nigerians in Milwaukee ? My parents and brother live in Milwaukee , @ white fish bay, close to lake Michigan if you were interested in meeting a family that can help you keep up with the language and culture. My mums name is Titilola and I am sure she would be delighted to meet you. You can email me at folayem@yahoo.com
Best wishes
Kola
Will you strap your nephew on your back as you did your host-mom’s friends gorgeous little girl? I bet your nephew’s mom will have a fit if you try to.
I want to hold him like a Nigerian baby but you’re right, his mom would freak out!
good post Titi…indeed, joy or happiness is not in the abundance of your possessions. we see that everyday. America in particular is very materialistic…but that’s their choice…mothers do it for different reasons…some gain satisfaction doing it while some think its the best way to raise a child. some feel guilt not giving every material thing they can….some believe they can actually buy the child’s love doing such…different motives all over the place.
well babies have just enough to play with in Nigeria